I have been praying for a partner for as long as I can remember, I guess you can say I am in a waiting season. I find myself getting sad and desperate. I long for affection and to go back home to a partner after a long day of work, I want to get married and have kids. But it feels so far away, it feels like it is never going to happen, I am tired of waiting, and my heart aches.

I met a guy and what captivated me was that this guy spoke of God, I have been trying to get my faith stronger, so this excited me so much, even more so because he shared with me something sacred about him, he told me about his child. This guy also spoke about us getting to know each other and spending time with each other. I am saddened because I truly believed he was a man of God, but he showed me otherwise, his words were false, and I fell into temptation and our communication has decreased vastly.

I can’t help but to feel like a failure, but I know that that is NOT who I am. I have always profoundly cared for others, I always put others first and no matter how many times I feel like I have been beaten down, I will NEVER let anyone take that from me. I love giving, I love to see others smile and be full of joy. This is why this situation hurts so much, and why I feel unheard from God, I just can’t help but to think what could have been, if God could only turn this man around for me, if God could turn this man into my loving partner, if God could turn this man into my husband. I know God is capable of it, I just feel like I am not worth it, and He won’t do it for me. I want to feel God’s presence, I crave it. I want to fully trust God and fully let Him in. I don’t want to feel like a bad Christian for being angry, for being angry that it is taking “forever” to get my partner. I don’t want to be ungrateful for all the blessings I already have, I tend to constantly overlook them because I am letting this situation cloud everything else. All of this is the main source of my depression which I am letting consume me. 

I feel like maybe I am praying wrong or maybe it’s not making sense. At this moment I really need God, but I am not feeling Him, and that is such an awful feeling that I do NOT want to feel anymore. I want this guy to be my partner, but if it is not God’s will, as much as it hurts, I want to be understanding of it. I am begging for your prayer and a miracle.

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