When I was a small child, I was repeatedly kissed by a babysitter who was ‘practicing’ on me for her future boyfriend/husband. As an older child and teen, my mother’s second husband was physically abusive with all of us, used to walk around the house in his underwear, and would put my hand on his penis on top of his underwear. After her second divorce, my mother became a lesbian and brought militant lesbians and confused lost people into our home. One man wanted to ‘teach’ me about petting and what body parts were what.
I have never been raped or more seriously molested … but how bad is bad? How bad does it have to be for me to say that my mom was absent and unattentive. That she allowed these things to happen by neglect. She never called the police or asked for help. But in her job she called for help for abused kids all the time. Interesting.
I learned how to abuse my own body from my mother. I learned how to not care, and/or how to care about the wrong things.
I am a Christian now and I’m grateful for my husband and the live we have in Christ. I’m learning how to think correctly about my past and how to not be ashamed for things I had no control over and did not do of my own accord.
Please pray for my thinking, for the love of Christ and my recovery from my thoughts and experiences.