I am going to college within the next few months, so I already have a bit of anxiety with the changing times. However, my heart has been broken recently. I had met this one girl about 7-8 ish months ago and she really helped me get back into the habit of reading my Bible, studying scripture, and she was super outgoing towards me. I have faced manipulation and abuse in the only ‘relationship’ that I had in past, and it has made the topic really hard for me. For the first time in years, I felt comfortable talking with someone, and admittedly I started to fall for her (this was not my first intent mind you) . We texted and conversed about our hopes, dreams, and of course our Biblical studies, and when she told me about how she is also going to go to the same college it almost felt like it was destiny. Eventually things escalated, and she admitted that she had feelings for me about a month and a half ago, and I felt extremely happy, seeing as someone actually reciprocated these feelings. I admitted them back, and we began talking about college, and how to start relationships with a biblical foundation. I genuinely thought things were going to work out, until a few weeks ago. She began to get drier and drier in our conversations, and talked less and less. I was confused, and kept trying to keep the conversations going, and tried to see if she would instigate things (our conversations were typically 50-50 in terms of who started them over texts as well.) She eventually told me that she was uncomfortable with the prospect of getting into a relationship, taking a complete 180 on me, and began to slowly back away over a period of 2 weeks. It is now around the third week, and she has completely stopped doing our bible study plan, and has gone completely radio silent on me communication-wise. I feel like I was lead on, and just genuinely want her to come back if it’s God’s will. However, I also want to be able to move on if it ISN’T. I’m still trying to continue the plan we started, seeing as I genuinely want to continue to read the word of God and have his influence in my life, and I’ve been praying so hard, but emotionally I feel awful. I haven’t been able to sleep as well, nor have I been able to eat as well. (and I know this could be a sign of idolizing the prospect of getting into a relationship, or potentially the idea of moving onto something healthy unlike past my prior relationship) But I just need some serious prayer. I will be seeing this girl on campus, and we’re going to be involved in a lot of similar ministry and club organizations so I’m not entirely sure how I should proceed. I need God’s guidance, healing, wisdom, comfort, and love during these times. I would also like some prayer for the prospect of her either coming back, or me to be able to move on, along with the freedom from the negative emotions that have followed (also the idolatry portion of things as well).
Thank you so much for having a place for me to submit these things, it really means a lot to me and I truly hope that the Lord brings blessing to you all in your own individual walk with Christ.
-A