I pray my rage against liars subsides because pain they cause me from their lies makes me want to die. I pray to die because of the pain their lies. I pray to die because I do not have a job. I pray to die because I am powerless. I pray to die right now because I am powerless to stop the lies, illegalities, and wrongs against me.
If I live, I pray to pass all my exams. If I live, I pray to graduate. If I live, I pray to pass the bar and get sworn in as a licensed attorney. If I live, I pray to get hired in a long term stable job as an attorney where I take care of myself and people stop trying to control me.
Right here, right now, I pray to die because of the lies and people who want me to be a mom and I rather die than be a biological mom. I will sooner commit suicide than be a biological mom. I hate most people. Most people are cruel to me. My family is mostly physically, sexually, and mentally abusive. Right here, right now, I pray to die.
I have been celibate for 2 3/4 years and I will not sexually be with a man until I am legally married. I will not sexually be with a man until I graduate, pass the bar, get sworn in, and a job where I can take care of myself.
Right here, right now, I pray to die because most people are habitually cruel liars, abusers, and I am powerless to make them stop hurting me.