I am afraid I might have been given to a reprobate mind due to willful sins over the years since my baptism and willful sins since my last major repentance. I struggle with self-gratification and lust these days even though I haven’t been fornicating for weeks. I’m scared that I love pleasure more than God. I’m obsessed with wanting to be married someday. I want to live more upright. Â I don’t want to be celibate indefinitely though. I’m not one of those people who is happy being celibate for a long time, but will do it if I have to. It’s frustrating. God is amazing, but I have blown my connection with him too many times.Â