Self Happiness

I am not happy or find any joy in my life. I know that I am extremely blessed. I feel that I am spoiled because I find no inner peace with my life. I could not have any children. I am married to a man that has 3 grown children. I’m about to be 50 and I still get extremely upset and feel like I die inside when someone close to me is pregnant. I’m mad that I didn’t have one and I feel my life is useless. I suck it up and do and say all the right things. I give to others. I pray. I worship God, tithe, faithfully active member of church. I read Scripture. Study the word. I research for answers. Yet I feel my life has no meaning. No plan. No God will for my life. Empty and depressed anger. I would like to overcome this depression of when others get pregnant and have a child. I would like some direction for my life. What am I to do? Is there anything out there for just me? Is that selfish? I feel deep down that I should be more than I am. Nothing like famous. But something that will make me feel like living. Joy. Contentment Happiness peace. Love for myself.  My step daughter is pregnant. It’s killing me.  I don’t want to feel this way. 

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