Husband and wife

I feel very ashamed of even writing this. I have vomited and ultimate bad thing to my husband through my mouth. I wished bad health, bad finance, even death and called him a homosexual. I yelled at him that o hated him. I left my home and I received such guilt and shame that I had never felt before. I had cursed out the person that I’m supposed to love. I cried to God and I apologize to God for the things that I said and how I made my husband feel. After a few hours I went back home and I apologize to my husband rebuked what I had said and blessed him as much as I could. My husband with right reason he did not want to talk listen nor hear me. I’m truly sorry and at this point my husband considered divorce. I feel so ashamed of my self. I’m requesting prayer for my mouth to speak love to be thankful and honesty, for my mind to think positive and to have discernment from God to lease me into what to do. 
i do not want to lose my husband I do love him (even tough what I did is very far from love and I understand I pushed him very far away). I’m very sorry and I ask for forgiveness and compassion. And a sign to fix what I broke with my mouth. 

i don’t know if my marriage has any saving but I trust in God that he will put my husband and me as a relationship in a better place. I promise to have my mouth speak positive or not have a comment until I’m done feeling upset. Please pray for my marriage and for my self as a person. May God help me change to a better wife to serve him and my husband. Amen